Everyone is stressed.
Yes... Today i have a story to tell..
She has an appointment to meet, at 10.30am. It was 9am and she asked her other half to help her out in some documentations to be submitted to a particularly slow and politically idiotic department. On the fact that he was unable to accomplish the task, given already one week, she went on a hyper mode. She started to walk real fast,slammed the car door and scream at him. She then shout at the top of her lungs at him just asking the same stupid question "why why why!". A question that practically has no answers. Poor him had to endure such ear drumming torment as it took place in the car where voice is further echoed and there is no place for the voice to leak out.
Then she started to pull her hair and one whole bunch of strands of hair was plucked right from her scalp. Bits of hair skin was stuck on the hair strands and blood was found. It was miniscular. Upon feeling the pain and headache, she started crying loudly. Very loudly and long. It prolonged up to 13 km long. She never stopped. Even when the tears were no longer tears and it turned into slightly pink drop with blood as coloring. The other half was terrified and shocked, and worst of all, he was driving at top speed during the process.
She then feel tired and fell asleep. It was unsure if she fell asleep or she fainted. Even at very hot tempreture, she could not open her eyes. She started to calm down as her favourite song played. Trying to make her happy, he brought her to the nearby adult playground where swings are reinforced with metal steels and brought up higher for taller people. She sat, he pushed. She was too tired and accidently let go of the chain and she fell right into the ground. It was neight lucky or bad luck that she manage to find the strenght to hold on to the chain as she loses balance and start to slip off the swing. Instead of falling straight down, the swing dragged her on the rubbered and tarred floor, and ended it with a slight bump on the cement with her head. It seems like the swing was trying to take revenge on his behalf.
Terrified... he tried to hold on to her and pull her up, only to injure her more and snapped her elbow's joint. She laugh in pain.
Without explanation, you all know who the main character is, in real life. I conclude that a woman having post menstrul syndrom is officially declared "dangerous". And i myself am afraid of it.
I have tons of things to do, not because i voluntered, but it was handed to me as a sign of "help me or this event slomps!" and i have to juggle with being ultraman and superman all the time. Being with my guardian who does not understands life in uni does not allow me free time to do anything related to this, i can only ask and give dvice, but i seriouslly have limited time to do all those stupid designing stuff which somehow i was famous for after the public speaking subject.
I realised that my dear secretary is having the same feeling, he hates it that everyone is throwing things to him, i saw that he tried to command people to do, but it failed and even my boyfriend (who was not his committee) had to step in. It seems like everyone has forgotten that i have my life and he has his life to go on. I am not angry that my sec exploited my bf, in fact, i think it was a wise move considering the budget was wrongly done in a non logical way TWICE. I admit, as his vice chairperson, i am letting him do most of the work and only help him in sign of desperation. Why? Well, he seem reliable enough, but he seems like a person who can break apart easier than i do. And i do admit that i am actually monitoring his progress, silently, cause i trust him enough since he is responsible, yet i am careful cause i would not want any of the pangkor nightmare to repeat again.
When it comes to event, some item may seem to be common sense to me, but it is not to others. But i dont know, why does most of the people i know has to be poked before they move? Is it me who did no deligate the job well enough? Was it me who expect too high expectation of others? I guess i suck as a leader...
Speaking of leader... In the utar idol event, my chairperson thought that i am trying to make a point that "i exist" in a way such that i want people to respect and acknowledge me. When i saw his sms, i was actually offended, but then, i cooled down, this is not the first time. It happen before with others, since kindergarden, actually. I was referred to being bossy and "what also wanna take charge" and "i dont care about others as long as i wan it my way" and "i think i know more than others".
I was shocked to know alot of plan of publicity has been done and also alof of arrangement has been done that involves me which I WAS NO AWARE OF. I was shocked because it involves me and i do not know about it. I was also shocked as i was put in charge for publicity and i was up to my head thinking a way to publitise and suddenly, a whole plan as been arrange, helper being sorted, script done and i was unaware of it. I was only shocked, but i was not angry, i was actually relieved. But he could have informed me at least so i would not have been so stressed! I would not have known such stuff if i was not with my secretary (TD) and he told me about it.
My chairperson is in penang, utar idol is weeks away, and i have no knowledge of it up till now on what is going on, i heard what the event manager and program ehad talked with another trainer, and i must say i did not hear the full story, but i am sceptical. I prefer safe than sorry. My chairperson also promised me to keep me updated, but i hear no news from him till now, 9.56pm 22nd december 2008. I never blamed him for any of this, cause he was my close friend and i understand his piriority. I took the liberty to help him out then and i did so now, but it seems like this bunch of fast going committee and strong committee was afraid to talk to me. Yes. A person actually had to go thru SEVERAL channels just to get to me and inform me about her plan. And she actually said "cynthia very scary". Somehow, saying that makes me remember her more, i actually remember her name and face.
Chin hong mentioned to them that i am "holding the big flag" and they have to ask me when they do stuff. Actually, i only ment to inform me, but i dont mind if they misunderstand, its not the first time people hated me for that, it hurts, but life goes on and all can be erased with a day of game, godlike, dinner and yam cha with my close friends, who somehow all is male except 2 of them which is in tar and USA.
so sometimes, i seriously wonder, tears flood my eyes now and i keep on wondering, am i just to strong? fat? or just too manly to fit in with gals? Am i that scary? Is it the fact i am able to distinguish my feelings, highlight detail emotional issue and being striahgt to the point / cut troat bitch making me one of the Genghis karn? It was the world to me when chua was amazed that i am able to accept how emotional woman is and preach on how different people needs different ways of understanding yet it hurts when i am in outcast. I am, at the end, a girl, who understand no mandrine and is surrounded by guys daily. Each time my relative see me with so many guys, they bitch to my closer relative about how cheap i am. I dont mind, but sometime, word, hurts. It can go up to the extend of "she is fat mah, thats why she needs more man la, cheap mah"
so...... solution is should i be more feminin, take up mandrine, be "thick faced" and try my best to fit in with the gals? or i shall stay as myself and force the guys to wear skirt?
its amazing how i can come out with jokes and crazy ideas with tears in my eyes. I wonder if my emotional brain is actually fuctioning properly in the first place. Maybe due to the thousands of bumps to my head. Why cant i one day hit my head and turn into a math genius?? why?????? Maybe i should hit my head more in different angle to increase the chance of it happening.
